DEAR ABBY: I am married with two children, 6 and 4. I love them and my wife. When I met her, I knew she was a little messy. I am neat, tidy and generally organized. Over time, her behavior (specifically, cleanliness and tidiness) has grown worse. It’s reached the point where she leaves her chewed-off fingernails where our children play barefoot. She refuses to help with household chores or to be a functional part of the household.
I don’t want a divorce because I know it would wreck the children’s lives. I have been holding out while politely begging for some of the cleanliness issues to resolve, but it’s had zero impact. I’m ready to lose my mind, and my hair is visibly thinning from the stress. It’s like having a third child. What do I do? — FRAZZLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRAZZLED: A wife and mother whose behavior and general cleanliness have worsened to the point that she leaves her chewed-off fingernails on the floor where her children play may be experiencing mental problems. Withdrawing as you have described isn’t normal behavior and could be a cry for help.
Contact your health insurance company and your doctor so your wife can be evaluated physically and neurologically. After that, you will have a better idea of what to do. While this could simply be the behavior of a disorganized and harried housewife, I’m concerned it could be more.
DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with two living children (one son died of COVID in 2021). My daughter wants me to go on a cruise with her next year. I don’t feel comfortable around crowds and strange people. This is due to losing my son and the lack of masking nowadays.
I told my daughter no on the cruise. It hurt her feelings, and now I’m the one feeling bad. Should I feel guilty because I worry about my health? I keep up with all my vaccinations, including flu, and I am healthy, but I no longer socialize as often as I used to. My doctor has told me that at my age it is important to always be careful. Your thoughts? — CAUTIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CAUTIOUS: In light of the facts that you lost your son to COVID and that your doctor has warned you to be careful, your caution is understandable. I’m sorry you didn’t mention the size of the ship on which your daughter is planning to vacation, because some ships are so large that they could put you in close contact with thousands of other passengers.
Being up to date on your vaccinations is wise, but it doesn’t guarantee that you might not contract another communicable disease. Tell your daughter you would love to vacation with her under different circumstances, but your health must come first, and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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